Dirty little secrets... [Fantasy]

... we all have them? naïve to think not?

turning around to face them, feigning escape of them (individually, or the whole lot of them), year after year. confessing transgressions (real, not-so-real, bullshit) before, now, to come -

maybe it (that gd song) will get out of my head if i breathe, err, textual life into it) give a little respect TO ME (the overtly repentant reprobate inside always desperate, unpredictable, volatile(...vomit) yet so much more patient than 'the prominent' and at the ready for-

nonsensical ... no, exhaustion. justified. oh, fuck serial nastiness. exhaustion of one does not have to affect all... does it? fighting over the same body and mind... with yourselves. if only- therewasawaytoclubyourselftosleepbutalwaysbeableto- (and you're only just finally picking this one up? if only-

I never believed (at least not consciously, rationally, logically) that i lived too exclusively in a 'fantasy world'/'my own world' or 'daydreamed' excessively. at least not to an extent which had actually become [how long had it been] a truly overtly warped perception - over the course of much prodding exercises (both external and self-effectuated) that one [. . .blah blah]

what is 'if only...' if not just that (I'm a serial offender when it comes to 'if onlys'). now don't be too quick to run on to the 'next inexplicable, seemingly interminable stage' engulfed with that 'eureka'. a titillated bull and restraint. it just doesn't come naturally. but it will. \ tick / tock \ tick / tock

at times neither dirty, little or even secret.

at others, you become the dirty little secret.